Living a Fantasy?

Recently in working with some of the families I see through my job, I’ve come to realize something. Most of what we think about as “life” is fantasy.

I’m not talking about my past or your past. That obviously all happened and is reality. But much of what we include when we consider our lives is the future… the plans and dreams we have. Things like time with the family this coming weekend; dinner plans for tonight; completing a college degree; the birth of a child or grandchild. All those things are fantasy until they actually happen.

Issues come up when we treat those fantasies as though they are reality. When we have that approach, we can feel cheated or disrupted if something prevents them from happening. But think about it. A sick child or a car accident can derail our most precious plans. A sudden illness or diagnosis can upend our dreams. Countless sets of circumstances can intervene in our lives and prevent us from completing those fantasies. This is life… normal life.

If we count our dreams and plans as reality, disruption of those plans can create trauma or cause pain for us at one level or another. That disruption or pain can lead people to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like isolating, drinking, blaming others, drug use, mental health issues, and even suicide attempts.

But if we always realize our plans and dreams are fantasies, it’s much easier to handle the disruptions. When a family gathering can’t happen, we reschedule. No need for drama. If it becomes impossible to complete a college degree, other paths forward can be explored. Even in the case of a tragedy like the miscarriage or stillbirth of a child, we can find a path forward through the grief and pain.

Please don’t read this as me saying those things will be easy. My wife and I have experienced the stillbirth of a child. We have had plans and dreams disrupted on numerous occasions. We know what pain and heartache those disruptions can bring. But we have discovered, with the help and strength of God on our side, there is always a way to continue.

Acknowledging we are not in control of our own future can free us from counting fantasies as facts. It can encourage us to rely on our Creator and His plans for our lives. Letting go of that need for control can reduce our anxiety and increase our trust in God.

Fantasies, dreams, and plans all have their place in our lives, but we need to hold onto them loosely. Rather than trust and cling to our own blueprint for life, putting our trust in our heavenly Father gives us a solid, infallible foundation for each and every day of our lives.