TIME

It’s been four and a half months since the possibility of me having cancer was first raised. In that time, I’ve had an MRI, 3 CT scans, a biopsy, a couple of EKGs, and an assortment of lab tests. For people with serious and hard to diagnose medical issues that could be last Thursday. For me, it’s the most concentrated time I’ve spent dealing with medical people (other than the one I’m married to) in my entire life.

The strange thing about this is how time has seemed to pass. How can it simultaneously fly by and creep along? So much has happened in those four and a half months, not just related to my diagnosis, but deaths in the family, deaths in friends’ families, a handful of major holidays, and lots of other stuff. And yet that initial lab test doesn’t feel like it was that long ago. How? Or, if I stick to my favorite question… Why?

They (whoever ‘they’ is) say time flies when you’re having fun, but I would hardly describe the last few months as fun. Interesting? Maybe. Chaotic? Definitely. Comforting? Absolutely. But fun? Not so much.

Maybe it’s just my brain. It’s been known to do strange things. I’m sure some are wondering about comforting as a description of the time after a cancer diagnosis, but there it is. And maybe it’s the comfort of being surrounded by people who love me and care about me that makes the time go faster. I haven’t really had a reason to mope, or have a pity party for myself, or get depressed, all things I’m pretty sure would make time slow to a crawl.

God has filled my life with people who care about me and whom I care about.

I suppose caring about people has also made the time go faster. I’ve been fairly busy making sure my will is done; getting powers of attorney set up; and generally making sure people close to me are as prepared as they can be if this journey turns down a dark path.

On the flip side, it seems like ages ago when surgery was put on the calendar. I just want to get this done. I’m a little nervous, but not afraid.

My urologist feels fairly confident the cancer is contained and the surgery is the only treatment I’ll need. But he’s going to take some of the lymph nodes near my kidney to see what’s going on there. If there are cancer cells there, it will start a new conversation.

So is there a point to all this verbiage? Maybe. Or maybe it’s me trying to fill time while I’m waiting.
The idea that time is relative is nothing new. We all know things we wish would last forever seem to go by in the blink of an eye, and things we dislike seem to drag on forever.
I guess I want to encourage each person who reads this to not let events control their time. Each of us makes decisions about how we use the hours we are given each day. Sometimes those decisions are heavily influenced by forces pressing against us, but we don’t have to let those forces be in control. Not if we keep our focus on the people and causes that are important to us. Each of can, to some extent, rein in the chaos to let those important things have the time and space they deserve.